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Adventures at Panera Bread...or... My First flyontheblog

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May. 18th, 2006 | 12:12 am
location: Panera Bread

Today has been... quite a day. I woke up to loud obnoious screaming and now I'm at Panera Bread all by myself thanks to my lovely boyfriend for dropping me off and saving me from my own personal little hell. This place isn't half bad, I like the atmosphere and the little nooks. I have my own little nook, at a small little table in the corner all by myself. There are mostly older women here, oddly enough, so anyone else around me tends to stand out quite a bit. The guy in front of me, for instance, is sort of an obvious character. Have you ever sat at one of this free wifi places and just absorbed the people around you? I'm just sitting here and glancing up at him every few seconds. He has Chanel sunglasses on, an ipod plugged into his ears (Nano, if you were wondering) and he's hunched over his Apple notebook in great concentration. Every once in a while he'll smile or shift his weight around to get comfortable (so I know he's been here for a while) and the rather frequent yawn and stretch allowing him to sit up a little higher and observe his surroundings. The task at hand which I can only assume is a heavy online discussion with an exboyfriend (Come on... Chanel sunglasses and an engraved Apple? Gay-gay-gay-gay guh-AY) or perhaps a detailed nail-biting discussion on Lindsey Lohan's decision to start eating high calorie foods, but no matter what the task, he is way too into it. Now its really getting interesting... he pulled out a rhinestone studded cellphone (you know, just like mine) and is quickly jotting something down in it from the computer screen. Perhaps Mr.Myspace McHottie just gave Mr.WifiWonderBoy his digits? One can only assume that he's finding his online-lover for the day. Maybe he'll meet him here later. Maybe I can catch a glimpse of McHottie-Myspace.

More wonder! I swear this could be a sitcom (you'll have to trust me on that, though) because now four more characters have entered my little nook. Three overweight but not quite obese members of a family most likely just as porky are seated at a table three down from my little corner. The woman I have just named Grazie due to the cow-grazing eating tendencies she is displaying (talking while chewing on her chips...disgusting) has actually addressed me, but not directly. "She's cute - that one over there in the pink - look at the sticker's on her laptop. Her sandwich looks good, I wonder if thats a panini. Jonathan, whats a 'panini'?" The butterball of a man who is obviously Jonathan grumbles as he squints at the three-sided advertisement on the table, "A sandwich or something... stickers? What stickers? What are you talking about? Oh... that girl? Leave her alone. Lets go order." He looks annoyed at the menu. He is looking for a burger, its obvious. I know that look, KC has that look on his face at the mention of Dharma Blue or any similar restaurant, "Theres no meat!" Grazie is back at the table, the third woman (either a sister or an older daughter) sits with her, "Did I tell you I ate Subway yesterday? Dang good. Dannnng good." The conversation continues, but I am tuned out as my attention is forcibly directed towards a rather large man coming towards me. He sits himself down one table away, and eyes the homosexual male in the booth across from me. Interested? Homophobe? He gets up, and moves one table further. Homophobe. But still interesting.

McWifiWonderGay packs his Apple into his Yves St.Laurent (I kid you not) messenger-satchel (Fall 2005? Perhaps) and sets himself on his way with a rather prissy spring in his step - I guess he got the number - he's gone now. He is soon replaced by two common characters from this area, the keeper of Daddy's credit card, and her best friend, little miss "theres mold in my SANDWICH!" These girls are stupid. I feel bad for typing about them when they are so close, but they gave me a look when they sat down and then shared a little glance and giggle with each other. They are discussing where to go for "vaycay" (Who says that?! The word is vacation... other words to try would be "concealer", and "slut" but I'm sure they know that well.) Do they have to talk about me right in front of me? What am I doing to them? Oh... yeah... right... I'm tearing them apart in the bloggisphere. What do they care? Their screen names are probably "IHrtTheOClikeWhoa" and "BabieGurl1245". Get this, they are both wearing lucite heels. You know... the clear ones with the rainbow effect? And they are judging me? Now shes babbling on about how she got a flight to Las Vegas roundtrip for $75 and shes staying at the Palms for two weeks. Hmm.. doubt it. McHomophobic has left his table now, and the banger-sisters squeel, "Omg did you SEE how fat he was?! He was like... SO fat!" Are you kidding me? Apparently not. Wow, how ridiculous... like, SO ridiculous. Thing 1 seems to think that her boyfriend should clean his house before she comes over, and Thing 2 agrees. Thing 2 starts to squeel a high-pitched "OMG I lost my lipgloss!!!!" kind of a squeel as she looks at her sandwich, "Theres like, MOLD!!!! OMG I cannot eat this!" Thing 1, "OMG! Are you serious? Mold! What kind of a place is this?" Well... it was parsley. Because sometimes places like to put parsley on things. Apparently these two couldn't combine their brain power (or lack thereof) to figure that out, so they went to return the sandwich and then were told... "...Its parsley..." The girls return, and don't speak about it again. Raven is here now, I'll finish this later.
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